Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
