Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
