I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
