Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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