people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
