xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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