Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
