I want to have your abortion
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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