I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
