Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
