dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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