I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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