the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
