party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He kissed a someone with a penis
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
