He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Drunk is not a location!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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