she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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