Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude i'm inner monologue high
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
