I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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