I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
