My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
