How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
