this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
