Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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