My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
