Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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