I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This house was built for laser tag.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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