3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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