At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just found a bag of teeth...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize