i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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