We're like a lot better than the average bears
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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