Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
