he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
