If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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