He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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