How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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