i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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