I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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