you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
