Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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