I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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