If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
