what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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