Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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