508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
