just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I pour the whiskey from now on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
