I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
