there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
