You made me cry and you don't even care
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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