Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
