omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
