Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
