SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
