and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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