We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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