i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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