I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
