"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
