please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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