just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
