fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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