i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
