I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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