Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
