went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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